Crack!Talia JapanxReader

Hetalia Crack! I came up with this idea while in math class XD

"What's the diagnosis, Kiku?" Asked a worried Ludwig. Uncharacteristically, he bit his nail from his extreme nervousness.

"She's..." Kiku shook his head and casted his black eyes to the floor. "It's not good..."

"Just spit it out already!" Romano yelled. His face was flushed, and his fists were balled up. "Tell us!"

"Calm down, Fratello." Feliciano cooed and patted his brother's back to try and calm him.

"I am calm!" Romano shouted, but he immediately grumbled an apology and waited for Kiku to speak again.

Kiku took a deep breath before answering. "(Name)-san has contratced level ten dokidoki."

"What does this mean? Will she be okay?" Feliciano asked. 

"I'm afraid that we're too late to save her." Kiku shook his head and took off his doctors coat. "It's permanent. She's under a RABURABU spell casted by the otome games I gave her."

"Maybe there's something I can do." Ludwig picked up your charts and flipped through the pages searching for an answer. "Perhaps we could-"

"No. We're already too late!" Kiku cried out. "She be in lovey-dovey mode...forever."

"No! I can't accept this!" Romano shouted and ran out the room.

"Fratello..." Feliciano sighed sadly. His usual cheery aura was completely gone. All that was left was a lingering sadness.

"Who's going to tell, Liebe?" Ludwig asked temporarily breaking the silence that had settled. 

"I'll tell her. It's only right. This is my fault afterall." Kiku whispered and left the room feeling glum.

Ludwig and Feliciano followed Kiku out. You were sitting on the couch comforting Romano.

"Hey boys!" You said cheerily, but your face softened quickly. "What's wrong with Romano he mumbled something, and now he won't stop crying."

Feliciano silently sat beside and rubbed your back. "It's okay, bella. We'll get through this one day at a time."

"Get through what? Did something happen? Is everyone alright? Are you guys okay?" Your mind raced to try and figure out what was wrong.

"(Name)-san, I'm afraid that you're ill." Kiku mumbled.

"No, I'm not. I'm perfectly healthy." You replied.

"She's in denial!" Romano cried out.

"Are we in a soap opera?" You asked awkwardly. "Things are getting really weird."

"Now she's hallucinating." Ludwig mumbled in horror. "Mein Gott, WARUM!"

"What? Okay, you guys are really starting to weird me out." You shook your head and sighed. "I'm going to make some us some tea."

"She's thirsty." Feliciano gasped. "THE HORROR!"

"Am I not supposed to be?" You asked. You looked at everyone's horror-stricken face skeptically. "Am I missing something?"

Ignoring you, Ludwig turned to Japan. "Is there something we could do? Anything?"

"Well," Japan paused.

"Spit it out already!" Romano cried out.

"Woah! Just take it easy man." You threw up your hands.

"There's...one thing I could do." Japan whispered uncomfortably. He didn't want to resort there, but if needed...

"Do it! Do it for the great wurst heaven in the sky!" Ludwig demanded.

You got off the couch and crossed your arms. "Why is everyone acting out of character? Did you guys not read the right script today?"

"Now she thinks that she can break walls that aren't even here!" Ludwig pinched his nose bridge. "I need to lie down. This is too much for me."

"Ludwig, nooooooo!" Feliciano jumped off the couch, pushed you aside, and hugged the German. "Ludwig, let me come with!"

"Nein. I must do this... ALONE!" Ludwig ran off like a beautiful damsel in distress.

"WHY? Stellaaaaaa!" Feliciano fell to his knees. "Kiku, please! Do something! Por favore!"

"I-I can try, but... No! It invades my personal space!" Kiku cried out and leaned against the wall for support. He fanned his face to cool himself down.

"Why am I even here? No one is answering me." You mumbled to yourself.

You walked past them and to go to the kitchen, but Kiku grabbed your arm.

"Gomen'nasai." He mumbled. "(Name)-san, I have to do something horrible, but I will take responsibility!"

"Responsibility for what?" You asked.

Kiku cupped your face and kissed your cheek. His face was burning with the intensity of a roaring fire, and a grand blush took over his face.

"Wh-what was that for?" You nervously spoke, but secretly, you were elated. "Kiku?"

"Oh no! I think I'm getting the dokidoki too!" Kiku slipped down to the floor and clutched his chest. "Tell (Name)-san that I love her."

"I'm right here." You pointed to yourself. "What's up with you boys today?"

"She's not healed! Que palle! What do we have to do?" Romano snapped.

"I'll try again. Even if I have to sacrifice my health, I'll try again." Kiku said bravely and stood back up.

"No! No, it's not safe!" Feliciano buried his face in his hands and cried even harder.

"What?" You looked around the room not even sure of what to do.

"This...is for you, (Name)-san." Kiku whispered. He kissed your mouth lightly. "Do you still have the dokidokis?"

"Kiku, if you are asking if I like you then it's a yes. If you're not asking that, then I have no idea how to answer that question." You said.

"CURED!" Romano jumped up for joy. "I have to tell Antonio the good news after I tell him how much I love him!"

"Romano, you're not supposed to be love-dovey. Be... What's that word again, Kiku?" You looked Kiku for the answer.

"Tsundere." Kiku said.

"What he said." You pointed to Kiku. "Be tsundere."

"I think I'll train today. I got to work off all the carbs I take in from eating too much pasta." Italy stood up. His face looked too clean and perfect like he hadn't been crying. "Ve, while I'm at it, I should try to be stronger. I'm off to lift some weights!"

"WHAT?" You gasped.

"That sounds like fun. I'll join you, fratello." Romano said pleasently, and the two brothers walked out the door.

Your brain could barely understand what was happening. The only word echoing in your thoughts was, "What?"

"(Name)-san, don't worry about them. Please... just focus on your sempai." Kiku shyly took your hand. "Please?"

"A what?" You took a step back.

"Come with me." Kiku whispered. "On a magic carpet ride."

"Kiku, what have you been drinking?" You exclaimed.

"DRUNK OFF ROVE!" Kiku said with his accent thickening.

"I think I just need a nap." You mumbled and left to go back to your house.

"(Name)-san! Wait! I can change! I'll cosplay! I'll do anything!" Kiku shouted in desperation.

"Take a nap, Kiku." You waved and jumped into car. "Maybe you should try eating well-rounded meals. Try everything, and come back to me when you're not so... that."

"Oh, my heart goes sadly goes dokidoki!" Kiku sighed. "I should have tried the pick-up line instead."